Date Posted: 2003/12/02 02:57:00 PM EST
Author: Harmless <unknown email address>
Subject: New Attack Kitten Routines
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Attack Kitten vs. The Sexual Predator Ninjas
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[after running TD's Sexual Predators routine]
OMG... all you girls... are sexual PREDATORS! I can't trust any of you... but wait, are YOU safe? You PROMISE? I mean, maybe you're just trying to LURE me into feeling comfort and trust with you... so that you can take ADVANTAGE of me! Look at me... you PROMISE you won't be a sexual predator? Ok... Ok... I trust you... OMG, you know WHAT? You're so CUTE... You can be like my little Attack Kitten! Ok, like... this little kitten... this tiny furry little grey kitten... like SO tiny... with this HUGE SPIKEY COLLAR! Like, the collar is so big, it's bigger than YOU ARE! And, OMG, you're so cute... I'll walk you around on a leash and you can protect me and if the Sexual Predator Ninjas drop from the ceiling, you can pounce on them and keep them away from me! But wait... can you POUNCE? Because you can't be my attack kitten unless you can pounce? Let me
see it... Awww! That was SO CUTE! OMG, you're like the cutest attack kitten EVER! Scamper, scamper, scamper... POUNCE!
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Adopting the Attack Kitten
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OMG, You are such a cute Attack Kitten! I swear, if you followed me home, I would TOTALLY keep you! But wait... are you housebroken? Because I can't have my little attack kitten leaving little attack kitten spots all over my carpet... and my couch... EWWWW!!!
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Attack Kitten Names
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You know what? Now that you're my Attack Kitten and I adopted you, I need to name you! Hmmm... what's a good Attack Kitten name? Rex. No... Butch! Yeah! I'm going to name you.... Butch!
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Attack Kitten Food
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[Similar to TD's Beanbag Chair routine, and I actually came up with this
originally while phone sarging with him when he ran that routine]
I'm going to take you home, and buy you a little Attack Kitten bed and some Attack Kitten food dishes, and I'll have them personalized so that they say "Butch" on them... and I'll fill the food dishes with Attack Kitten food and put your bed at the foot of MY bed... so you can always be with me to protect me from the Sexual Predator Ninjas
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Attack Kitten Gone Bad
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[For when she pounces on you. It will happen.]
OMG, NO! Bad attack kitten! No! You're turning into a sexual PREDATOR kitten! You're like Little Attack Kitten Gone BAD! I thought I could trust you, but even attack kittens like YOU are sexual predators! OMG, I can't be safe anywhere! But wait... OMG, are you FOAMING AT THE MOUTH?!?!?! Do you have COOTIES?!?!?! Get BACK!!! AAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!
Date Posted: 2003/12/03 01:10:00 PM EST
Author: Harmless <unknown email address>
Subject: New Attack Kitten Routines
On 12/3/03 4:34:00 AM, ijjjji wrote:
>I love this too! Do you pet
>girls when you say this? I
>would totally stroke them and
>scratch them behind the ear.
>Maybe I would pick them up and
>carry them around too. And of
>course, when bed time I'll go
>"NO, you can't sleep in the
>bed - bad kitten!"
Absolutely. I do all that stuff and more! LOL
The whole frame is that they're protecting me from the sexual predators... but
if they get too nice to me, I accuse them of turning on me.
--
Harmless
