I had a conversation recently with some like minded friends about how a man can remember a split second glance that he caught of a beautiful women, perhaps that he saw over 10 years ago, and never even spoke to. Many of these strong memories are catalogued in our brains. Why? Women don’t experience this, at least not to the same extent as their male counterparts. However, women maintain memories of more specific emotional connections. Whether that be the feelings of being sexually dominated, and her corresponding sexual submission, or a chance encounter and the strangely deep comfort connection she felt with the other person.

In today’s western society these emotional experiences are what can give the informed male the edge. Of course other parameters come into play when we talk about how women experience attraction, such as; physical beauty, security, social value, etc. But right now I am fascinated by this difference in how our brains process short interactions with someone and how we then feel more attracted to that person.

From reading books on evolutionary biology it is my opinion that there are specific mechanical reasons for this difference in male and female experience. Good books on this subject include, “The Selfish Gene,” and “The Red Queen.” Let us assume for a moment that the purpose of life is to survive. What needs to survive exactly? My offspring will not have my memories, my thoughts, they will not be me. Our genes survive. In the Selfish Gene, Richard Dawkins discusses the concept that we are mere complex vessels evolved over time to allow our building blocks, our code, our real intelligence, our genes to survive. We are survival vessels.

In the Red Queen arguments are made as to why human beings have evolved to be a sexual species, rather than a species that replicates through an asexual process. Once again, this is optimum for our survival against the constant bombardment of ever evolving parasitic infection.

So why the difference between how men and women process experience into feelings of sexual desire? Why is it that women are most often the sexual choosers? The answer is rather simple. Women get pregnant, and as such they must carry the child with them for 9 months. During which time they are extremely vulnerable. Following the child’s birth the mother and child remain vulnerable for a considerable amount of time. Evolution has provided women with a different selection mechanism than men have, to counter this added vulnerability.

We have not yet evolved to accommodate for prophylactics, and sexual relationships that will not lead to child birth. Our body chemistry, and our attraction mechanisms act as if every interaction will lead to the woman being susceptible to this pending long period of vulnerability. Similarly, we have not evolved past our primitive tribal social environment, which also has implications on how men and women interact with each other in today’s environment.

Women need emotional connection; they need to feel that they have pair bonded with the man they are going to have a sexual relationship with. They are genetically hard-wired to select men whom they feel will stay around to protect them and their child. This is why when a woman thinks about the men that she has felt attraction to she will usually think in emotional terms. This is also, according to Mystery, why women experience last minute sexual resistance.

This same argument presents us with another phenomenon, that of the “gold digger”. It is my belief that all women are, to varying degrees, are attracted to social status. Men with social status, are more powerful, and are more likely to be capable of providing for them and their offspring. This isn’t necessarily a conscious decision process, and in fact can be very subtle. Developing the skills to be adept at conveying social value has been a proven tactic to influence sexual attraction, and is a large piece of Mystery’s indirect game theory.

Let us not exclude that we are talking in general terms here. There is a percentage of society, both men and women, who are more psychologically influenced in their sexual behavior. Whether, that be from childhood trauma, or simply their genetic makeup. In my experience with women it has always been due to their childhood environment.

Yes, it is also true that women, like men, are attracted to physical beauty, simply because this is a strong indicator of successful survival. Good genes in our mate will combine with our genes through sexual reproduction, and will provide a better chance of superior genetic survival abilities for our offspring, and therefore for our own genes.

Finally, back to the male half of this equation. No matter how successful, powerful, or attractive a man is, when he visually sees a beautiful woman he will always feel himself stop, and experience a need to align himself with her. The more physically beautiful, the stronger the feelings. Without the same personal survival needs of the female, the male’s sexual urges are far more dependent upon seeing physical beauty. We have just discussed how physical beauty is the best indicator of gene survivability. Therefore, when a man thinks about women he has found attractive he has a database of visual, and often momentary fragments frozen in time.

To conclude, women are hard-wired to evaluate potential mates based upon a complex set of intertwined attributes. Less than average looking men may have to work harder in certain situations, not all situations, but as you can see there are far stronger influences at play. So much so that good looking guys can often be left bewildered as to what they are doing wrong, and why they can’t seem to meet women.