I noticed a pattern recently about how I implement habits.
Here is how I implement a habit.

Usually I’ll get some idea of some over the top thing that I want to accomplish.

So maybe I weigh 120 pounds and I want to make the college football team. Or maybe I’ve had failing grades all through high school and I want to get in to the best college. Or maybe I can’t get a girlfriend and I decide to be a PUA. I have tons of these.

First I will get an idea of what I’m trying to accomplish and what will be involved.

I have the general principle that while I’m not that smart, I know that most other people aren’t that smart either. Or rather, its not that people aren’t that smart, but just that most people walk through life in a trance and generally don’t break out of their habits. They just listen to what other people tell them and aren’t willing to look at the finer details of things, so it is easy to get to the top of any field if you are willing to do that. Everyone thinks that there are all these conspiracies and super ways that people do things, but usually the top guys are just as disorganized as the average dudes on the street. It’s like kids at top colleges who pay six figures to attend school. You’d think that they’d show up to class, but they don’t show up any more than the kids in cheaper schools. Human habit is human habit. I figure that there is pretty much no limit of what level I can reach so long as I have an idea of what the top level looks like. In fact, I assume that I can surpass it before I even start.

From there, I decide what I’ll have to do to get to that point. I figure how long it will take, and the habit that I’ll have to integrate on a DAY TO DAY.

This is what I consider PROACTIVE and LOGICAL reasoning. I don’t wait until some girl dumps me to start going out when I’m emotionally compelled, and then stop going out when I feel better about myself. That is REACTIVE.

Instead, I figure to myself, “Alright, I have to go out 3-7 nights a week for around three years. Fine.”

At that point I FULLY ACCEPT that this is what I will be doing. I also am unlikely to change my plans, as I tend to think that if I can’t trust myself to stick to one area then I can’t trust myself to stick to my next area, so there if I’m going to be like that then there’s no point in even starting anything.

The big thing for me, is that I will get out there whether the conditions are ideal or not. So if I’m not dressed properly, I will still get out there. If I’m not feeling well, I’ll just go out for a bit and come home to keep the habit. I do the same thing in the gym if I have not slept properly or if I am busy or sick. If I know that I’m too tired to get a good workout I’ll still show up and push through it. If I’m too busy then I’ll just rush through it and won’t worry about eating before or after. And if I’m sick then I’ll at least show up to the gym and stretch.

I don’t think about these things. I just accept them.

Now the big thing when you start something new is that progress is going to be non-existent at first and will go up in a j-curve if you can make it through the initial pain. Most people quit because starting something is REALLY hard and usually feels directionless for a long time. The guys who make it through that initial part will eventually get to a level where progress is really fast and noticeable, and for them it will become a hobby and fun. But at first it is purely banging your head against the wall to make the most minuscule advancements. Not fun.

So in an area like pickup, if you are starting off as a total dork like I was then it is pretty much going to be zero progress for a few months. You will go out and people will be really unresponsive and hard on you. It won’t change for a long time either, because the more you’re getting rejected the more you’re feeling shitty. The only plus side is that you’re learning that you won’t die, which is actually pretty important.

When you start anything, whether sports or dance or music, it will probably be pretty embaressing and painful. You’ll be around people who have it all figured out, and their neural connections will be fine tuned from what seems like infinite repetition. You’ll see this, and it will just give you a headache. Literally, for me, I see this kind of thing and I feel nauseous because it is so intimidating.

The way I get through it is literally BLIND FAITH. I will figure out what the basic training is and do it OVER AN OVER, regardless of whether or not I get a result.

A big part of this is that I have NO OUTCOME for a very long time. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house and to wherever I’m supposed to be. My criteria for success isn’t how well I did. It’s IF I SHOWED UP and did what I was supposed to do. My expectations of myself are very low.

I read posts on here about guys in the field for six months and frustrated that they aren’t getting results, and I really don’t relate to why they’re finding this to be unusual. When I took my first workshop I was getting laid, but I had a major social fear of clubs and my goal was to learn how to game girls in that environment. It took me a few months to get my first club makeout but I never thought anything of it. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to be one of these guys who comes on a month later and says “I still haven’t gotten laid.” I was told that it would take me six months to get “passably not lame,” and I took that at face value. There was no way after I spent all that time and money that I wasn’t going to go out and do what the guy told me to do. That would have devalidated the whole thing. To be honest, although I learned a lot on the program, I couldn’t remember shit afterwards because the whole thing was shocking like a whirlwind. The big thing I took from it was INSPIRATION and CONFIRMATION THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE. That was ALL I needed to get good.

First I learned how to open in a club environment. OK, got that. Then how to hook attention for thirty seconds. Ok, got that. Then how to tell stories. OK, got that. Then how to tease and create sexual tension. OK, got that. Then how to get a number. OK, got that. Then I realized they all flaked. OK, scrap everything, back to the drawing board. Then how to deliver it better. OK, got better reactions. Then how to slow it the fuck down to get the same reactions without being a dancing monkey. OK, got that. Each of these took weeks or months at a time.

The process went on for years, but now I have the exact result that I want.

Guys say to me “Wow, you had such dedication” and I can’t relate to that. To me, that’s like telling a kid who goes to play basketball after school for a few years that he has dedication. It wasn’t dedication. It was a routine. A habit. A hobby. I made the time for it in my life, and I never worried about how well I was doing. I assumed with blind faith that everything would take care of itself if I just kept going out and meeting people to get advice on how I was doing.

Jlaix and I were talking, and he was like “Dude, my skills are in like the stratosphere lately. It’s getting so good it’s scary.” I was like “Think about it. Remember back in the day when we were dorks, and we were like ‘all we have to do is go out for six months and we’ll be decent’? Six months seemed like forever back then, but now six months breezes by like its nothing, and every time that happens our skills are going up at the same rate that they were back in the day. The improvement keeps compiling and that’s why these results are showing up.”

If you think back to the last six months or a year, it seems like nothing. That time passes so fast. You get older and decades start to fly by.

When you implement a habit, you’re thinking about the outcome and how hard the training is. So you go through the one night and because its one of your first nights you remember every detail and it seems like a lifetime. And then you think “Six more months of THIS? Or a YEAR?!”

But that’s the wrong thinking. If you’re thinking like that there is no way you’ll get anywhere. The point is to just keep going out and not try to get results. Just go out and do your exercises and it will come naturally. Don’t think of it as “Six more months.” Think “This is what I’m doing now. My day consists of this now. This is my lifestyle.”

To me, it comes down to this: 1-Get an idea of what you want. 2-Formulate a plan of how often you need to show up to get there. 3-Accept that your new activity is a part of your life for the duration of the time you’ve decided, and never decide based on emotions if you’re going to show up or not. Just show up. 4-Don’t worry if you’re getting results, just stick to the plan with blind faith, and make your criteria for success just to show up. 5-Make it a hobby, look at the details critically without taking advice dogmatically, and take the initiative to shift the focus of your training when your intuition tells you that it might help.

Don’t focus on chasing outcome. Focus on sticking to habits. Make your criteria for success if you stuck to the habit.

Anyway, hopefully that was helpful to some people. Tyler Durden

First Principle

“There is a lack of correlation between the experiencing self and the remembering self.”

It is interesting that there is conflicting data, or a lack of correlation between what people say generally has brought them happiness, and descriptions of which specific activities bring them happiness.

The striking example being that most women will tell you that their children are their main source of happiness. However, when a study of more specific details of a woman’s activities shows that taking care of their children ranks low as a positive or happiness inducing experience.

In fact the number 1 positive activity for a woman was found to be S-E-X.

I am going to speculate here that some of this discrepancy comes from how we separate things – and remember things differently – when viewed from either a logical or emotional perspective.

This strikes me as having high significance for pick-up and seduction. You may think that this is just another way of stating something that we already know – logic kills attraction and emotion creates attraction – but I think this information serves two purposes.

Firstly, it provides a deeper understanding of why certain things work and this is always a good thing. Secondly, it conveys to me that it may also be important to have a way of logically linking her positive experiences with you. Such that when she thinks from her logical mind, or tells her friends about you in a logical conversation, that she will rate the experiences as enjoyable and highly as if she were still in the emotional experience with you.

Ross Jeffries has several great processes for doing things likes this. One such method is getting a girl to ratify her experience with you on a scale of 1 to 10. I can see other NLP future pacing and suggestive comments or patterns also working to place her logical thought of you as strongly as her in the moment emotional experience.

On a closing comment a lack of understanding of this principle may be partly responsible for getting flakes even when you ran decent game. After the experience was over there was no logical thread to maintain the strength of the experience in her mind. Or perhaps there was no mechanism for eliciting the emotional state that she experienced with you.

As you come up with your own thoughts on this remember to think also in terms of the whole seduction process and not just the meet and attract phase.

Second Principle

“What you remember of an experience is particularly influenced by the emotional high and low points and by how it ends.”

How can this help us in a pick-up or seduction?

It is important to fluctuate a woman’s mood or emotional state between both high and low points. Staying purely in a high state loses its effect as there is nothing to contrast against. I’m sure many of us already know this.

More importantly for me is the last part of the principle. What a person remembers of an experience is particularly influenced by how that experience ends. This is something that I have thought about before, but only because I noticed that I often end an interaction poorly, and I’m sure that has an impact on my flake rate. However, I have never made an effort to specifically work on the ending of an interaction.

Today for instance I had a great time talking with an HB8.5 and we made plans to see each other tomorrow… but I let the energy wind down, and kind of just walked off without a strong ending.

You could consider this ending importance to be comparable to bridge technology. I think bridge technology is actually just part of the psychology of ending most effectively. Bridging to meeting again for a specific purpose is far more effective than just planning on a phone call or leaving you’re next interaction vague. Bridging with her buy-in and your mutual excitement and enthusiasm is even better. Ending should even include such things as; the nuances of the way you say goodbye, of your ending kino, of the look you give her, of your ending interactions with any others people who are also around, of your ending body language, of the way you walk away.