Question

Hello, and may I say, if ever I believe there is an instructional book on sex I would pick up, I think it would be yours – you have incredible writing and I can totally identify with a lot of your techniques from what I have read.

I was always a very sensitive guy who put a priority on a woman’s pleasure and have had quite a bit of success. Of course, varying degrees of success with picking up women, but hey, what can you do.

Anyways, a girlfriend of mine and I were discovering what makes her feel the best, as I am trying very hard to be the first guy to make her cum, and I usually have little or no difficulty with that, however she seems to get very close but not enough to seal the deal I guess. Well through some finger exploring I happened upon what I believe was the ‘back of the deep spot’ which was quite far in and more or less felt like I was massaging the back of her pelvic bone. She had a tremendous response to this and had quite an episode, although she claimed still did not orgasm… ok, ok, basically my question is: do you have any references or other sources of info on the deep spot or any other pointers you feel I should know. I’d very much appreciate it and thank you for your devotion to the subject. Most guys should be ashamed of themselves thinking they ‘please’ their girlfriends. Thanks again C.B.

Yes, the back of the deep spot is very powerful. (Editor: See it explained here.. in our video section or learn from the master himself at his website)

But I have to ask you: how do you know she didn’t come? Did you ask her if she came? I hope not, because you should never ask a woman if she has had an orgasm.

Did you tell her before starting the sex session that the object was to make her have an orgasm? I hope not, because that would make sex ‘goal oriented.’ Telling a woman that the goal is for her to have an orgasm puts pressure on her to perform. The pressure she feels to perform will actually reduce the possibility that she will orgasm.

But if you simply set out to “discover what makes her feel the best” then that is the proper context. It is about a shared intimate experience of pleasing each other.

So, how to give her an orgasm, especially when it is not the goal? Certainly, it should not be known to HER that the goal is to give her an orgasm, but it certainly should be YOUR goal to give her multiple screaming orgasms.

Consider that most women are unable to “let go.” They cannot surrender themselves to the pleasure that their bodies are giving them. This may be for one of many reaons. It could be that she feels inhibited because of social pressures against being sexual, or that she does not have a sense of deservidness enough to be able to believe that she deserves the pleasure, or that she feels embarassed about loosing control in front of you.

I will provide more answers to your question by answering other similar questions I have received…

Question

I found my girls deep spot the other night. Her reaction was, “Fuck, what’s that?”,

Yes, they are often taken back by the intensity of the feeling the first time, but your woman’s reaction was especially adorable.

so I told her and continued what I was doing. She came close to orgasm, then resisted and pushed me away. Then started crying! She had felt like she really needed to pee, which I told her was just the feeling of female ejaculation,

Correct, it usually means she is ready to ejaculate. But that’s entirely another subject.

and then the Deep Spot had made her feel like she was giving birth! This was too much for her and reminded her of her first child which she had to have terminated but still deliver.

That is very sad and tragic. And certainly devastating for a woman.

I’m pretty sure the deep spot was a powerful anchor to those negative feelings.

Yes, the feelings set off a powerful anchor (association) to a very negative feeling. Massaging the deep spot causes deep involuntary uterine contractions (especially at the time of orgasm, but sometimes getting close ) which are very similar to early contractions before childbirth. But a really good fuck could do the same at the time of orgasm for a vaginally orgasmic woman. So I wonder if she has ever had a vaginal orgasm?

Things are fine again now. Back to very good sex, but she didn’t want to talk about being upset any more and I didn’t want to take her back there. I’ve continued to go deep a little, but not stay there for long. Trying to get her used to the feeling.

It is going to be very difficult to separate her bad anchor from the pleasure she feels from deep spot stimulation. If she really wants to get past that, she should see a really good counselor or hypnotherapist. It is going to be tough.

I wonder, does she have clitoral orgasms when you go down on her? Does she have vaginal orgasms in intercourse?

Question

My brother had some conversation with my dad about sex. And when they are talking about intercourse, my dad said he stilumates the clit the whole time while fucking her. And my brother replied with “well it goes into hiding when she gets excited (or orgasms?) and you can’t find it”. But my dad replied very confidently with “oh, *I* can still find it!”

It is true that the clit retracts slightly right before an orgasm and during the orgasm. But only slightly. It can still certainly be found.

So should we be stimulating the clit with our hand during intercourse? Best positions for this? (I’m thinking ’spooning’ would be best)

Do NOT rub the clit during intercourse. That only re-enforces her clit dependency. If your woman is vaginally orgasmic, good, leave well enough alone. If she is not (meaning she is clit dependant) then teach her to be vaginally orgasmic. She’ll thank you for it. She has always wanted to orgasm from intercourse alone without having to rub her clit.

Question

From what I read and what my past ONS/LTRs told me there is a huge difference between a vaginal and a clit orgasm. Some girls just rely on one of the two, because they have learned how to achieve an orgasm.

Clitoral stimulation travels up a different nerve bundle than does vaginal stimulation. Most women experience a very different orgasm from the two.

Question

I’m in a LTR with a 21 year old girl. It’s been 7 months. Two or three months ago the issue of orgasms came up, and she mentioned she wished she could have them.

You were fucking her for four or five months without noticing that she had not had an orgasm with you? I am practicing great restraint by withholding my comments on that one.

So I suggested she play with herself.

You sent her away for her to go take care of it herself? That sends the wrong message. You should want to be involved in her first orgasm. When she expressed to you an interest in it, what message do you think she was sending you?

She ended up using a vibrator and said that she came so much she soaked her bed. (clitoral.)

When she returned to you and reported that to you, did you feel left out?

Now I feel like this is a bad thing since I wanted her to have a vaginal. Is this bad or good?

You were not there, so you have nothing to say about which type of orgasm.

My PRIMARY goal is to make this girl have the best orgasm of her life with ME.

Her first orgasm of her life would have been a good place to start.

On two occasions, she’s come close, or thinks she has orgasmed from sex. I’m not so sure because she doesn’t seem that thrilled or sure that she did orgasm.

She didn’t.

I do not think she is faking it, I just think she doesn’t know what it really feels like.

She doesn’t. If a woman says she “thinks” she has had an orgasm, she hasn’t.

Both times she says she’s held back because she doesn’t want to pee on me.

Now we’re getting somewhere. She definitely was close. This happens a lot with women who are almost going to have their first orgasm with a man. They feel like they are going to pee, and thus they hold back. But what is actually happening is that they are about to ejaculate. But the concept is so foreign to them that they cannot even associate with it, let alone let go.

I try to reassure her that this is not going to happen but since then she hasn’t “come close”.

You saying that she will not pee is contradictory to everything her body is telling her. She feels certain she is going to pee, and she certainly is not going to let that happen, but you keep insisting she will not, so she shuts down and doesn’t even let herself get close anymore so that the debate never happens again.

Question

I have an LTR who I’ve been trying to make orgasm for a few weeks now. She is young and inexperienced. I am inexperienced myself. I have used your Deep Spot technique, both at the top and bottom of the deep spot. The bottom one worked best. I have also been mastering rubbing her clitoris with my finger, and going down on her. The best results have so far been gained with the fingering, with me lying alongside her with our heads close. However, when I feel that she’s getting close (breathing increases, she starts writhing), she’ll start kissing me very hard (and what looks like uncontrollably) and I feel like things have been “reset”… then the cycle repeats. Is it possible that she is preventing herself from climaxing by “releasing the tension” in this way? How can I prevent this? Also, while massaging the bottom of her deep spot, things get to a point where she’s contracting quite violently and I feel it could go over the edge any minute. However, my fingers are NOT very long (3.2″ at most), and getting to that point is difficult in itself. When the contractions start, it becomes VERY difficult to maintain the co-ordination and pressure.

Your fingers are long enough if she is that close. And the strong contractions in her vagina are what you want to get, so keep going.

You did not state whether she has ever had an orgasm or not. My guess is that she has never had an orgasm. Certainly, if she were orgasmic, you would know it, and she would have done it with you by now.

When she gets close she starts kissing you very hard in order to hide her face because she is embarrassed by the pleasure and it is a way for her to break her concentration and reset without disappointing you. Quit screwing her until you teach her to have an orgasm or else you will link a lot of lame sex to you.

Here’s what you do:

1. Tell her to concentrate on the pleasure. Only reward proper behavior. If she tries to kiss you again, stop what you are doing and remind her to concentrate on the pleasure. When she does do as you instruct, continue.
2. Don’t talk about orgasms. That eliminates the perception that she has to accomplish something for you. Thus, with no goal, it is just about intimacy and sharing. You have to get her into the frame of intimacy and sharing.
3. Instruct her to surrender to YOU. This takes the responsibility off of her for her pleasure, and helps to eliminate any guilt she might have. But most importantly, she is to discover the vulnerabilities of intimacy. This tends to replace ego and vanity with intimacy and sharing.
4. And then Drive Like A Man. Tell her that you want to savor her beauty for no other reason than the fact that you adore everything about her that defines her as woman. Tell her to concentrate on the pleasure. Tell her that it pleases you when she does what you instruct her to do. Tell her that it pleases you when she savors the pleasure you are giving to her vagina. Tell her that it pleases you when she feels pleasure, and that the more pleasure she feels, the more it pleases you. And as she feels even more pleasure, tell her to concentrate more on the pleasure.

If you truly do command respect with her, she will obey your commands, she will release all responsibility to you, and she will increasingly feel the pleasure that she knows you want her to feel, and there is only one possible conclusion to cum to.

For it is when you surrender to the vulnerabilities of passion that you are fulfilled the most.

Question

Recently I have been adamant on mastering the art of oral sex. It all started when, after about a month of gaming this HB9 (a month!), I was unable to maintain an erection when she finally attempted to rape me. It sucked!!! (any help with this?) So the next day I gave her “the best oral sex I’ve ever had.” She’s been jockin’ ever since. Last night, I spent the night at her house and we got naked and started messin’ around. When it came time to do the dirty deed I was again unable to maintain an erection (what’s the deal, I’m 19!!!). So I went down on her again. I swear I was a fuckin maniac on her pussy. I was lickin’ away, inserting one and two fingers, twirling em around, speeding up – slowing down, stuck my WHOLE middle finger in there (and I got BIG hands). She was LOVIN it! I’ve never seen a woman react the way she did. Clawin’ at my back, and shoving my head in her pussy….it was great! Anyway, she didnt cum. After all that. Am I missing something? She even told me that she’s never had an orgasm before. I WILL be the first man to give her the BIG O, it’s my mission.

You have an actress on your hands. She is more interested in displaying a show than she is about genuine intimacy, trust, surrender, and shared pleasure. She is so concerned about acting like she is responsive to you, that she doesn’t even know how to be herself.

Your subconscious has figured that out, which is one reason why being with her does not cause an erection. The other reason is that you are so focused on trying to please her while your subconscious knows it is futile.

It may be due to her young age, but it is certainly due to her immaturity. Set her free to grow up, and go find a woman who is capable of intimacy.

But maybe I am wrong about her, and hopefully I am. Hopefully it is just that she is trying to reassure you that you are exciting to her, even though she has yet to have an orgasm. If that is the case, then you have something you can work with. What you have to do is move her from the position of being an actress to one of being a woman who is capable of intimacy and of being genuinely responsive to you. At the same time, you have to teach her to surrender to the pleasure she feels when she gets close. Here’s what you do…

1. First off, don’t give her oral. Your voice is the most important thing at this point. Instead, use your finger and stimulate her deep spot.
2. Tell her to relax. Only reward proper behavior. If she starts being an actress again, stop what you are doing and remind her to relax. When she does do as you instruct, continue.
3. Don’t talk about orgasms. That eliminates the perception that she has to accomplish something for you. Thus, with no goal, it is just about intimacy and sharing. You have to get her into the frame of intimacy and sharing.
4. Instruct her to surrender to YOU. This takes the responsibility off of her for her pleasure, and helps to eliminate any guilt she might have. But most importantly, she is to discover the vulnerabilities of intimacy. This tends to replace ego and vanity with connectedness and being genuine.
5. Tell her that you want to savor her beauty for no other reason than the fact that you adore everything about her that defines her as woman. Tell her to relax. Tell her that it pleases you when she does what you instruct her to do. Tell her that it pleases you when she savors the pleasure you are giving to her vagina. Tell her that it pleases you when she feels pleasure, and that the more pleasure she feels, the more it pleases you. If you truly do command respect with her, she will obey your commands, she will release all responsibility to you, she will discover the vulnerabilities of intimacy, and she will increasingly become receptive to the pleasure she feels.

Question

My g/f cannot orgasm. She is 20 and went to an all girls private school if that helps. Whenever I am giving her oral, she gets to a point where it’s too intense (legs shaking, shortness of breath) and makes me stop or slow down because it is too sensitive.

She does not have a high enough sense of deservedness to believe that she deserves the intense pleasure, and she is unable to surrender herself to the pleasure that her body is giving her. Here is what you do…..

1. Your voice is the most important thing at this point, so don’t give her oral. Also, she is rejecting the intense stimulation that her clit is giving her. Instead, use your finger and stimulate her deep spot.
2. Don’t talk about orgasms. That eliminates her perception that she has to accomplish something for you. Thus, with no goal, it is just about intimacy and sharing.
3. Instruct her to surrender to YOU. This takes the responsibility off of her for the pleasure, and helps to eliminate guilt.
4. Take command and drive like a man. When in the bedroom, tell her to relax, that you want to savor her beauty for no other reason than the fact that you adore everything about her that defines her as woman, and tell her that it pleases you when she does what you instruct her to do. Tell her that it pleases you when she savors the pleasure you are giving to her vagina. Tell her that it pleases you when she feels pleasure, and that the more pleasure she feels, the more it pleases you. If you truly do command respect with her, she will obey your commands, she will release all responsibility to you, and she will increasingly feel the pleasure that she knows you want her to feel, and there is only one possible conclusion to cum to.

Question

“Approximately 70% of women never once, during their entire lifetimes, reach orgasm from the stimulation of vaginal intercourse alone. Even among the other 30%, climaxing with each and every sexual act isn’t a given. So, after loads of foreplay, get your finger, get your lube, and give her enough clitoral stimulation to make her jump all over the bed.

Every physically healthy woman can be trained to orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.

First, stay away from the clit. As Mark Cunningham has said “Most women become clitorally dependent from years of diligent practice.”

Next, awaken her vagina. Use the deep spot, with a heavy application of dirty talk, to give her her first vaginal orgasm. On subsequent nights stimulate less of the deep spot and more of the wall of the vagina to bring her to orgasm, making her vagina even more responsive to stimulation. Next, use a commanding voice to train her to have multiple orgasms from vaginal stimulation. The next night get her close with your finger, then replace your finger with your cock, fire off the usual dirty talk anchors, and bang, she orgasms in intercourse. On subsequent nights, fuck her silly while firing off the same anchors, and she comes multiple times in intercourse. Then she’s unstoppable. Every time results in many vaginal orgasms.

Give a woman her first orgasm in intercourse and she will fondly remember you always.

Oh the contributions to the fulfillment of all women we must make. It seems a man’s job is never done.

..learn more now at the official Masterful Lover website

Give women incredible pleasure,
David Shade
Copyright 2004 David Shade Corporation. All Rights Reserved. David Shade and Masterful Lover are trademarks of David Shade Corporation. You are solely responsible for the use of the ideas, concepts, and content and hold David Shade Corporation harmless in any event or claim.